My Brown Shades

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They ask me why I never remove my brown shades. They wonder if am hiding my dark circles from late night parties. Or covering my teary eyes from a crushed heart. They ask me why I hide behind my brown shades. They ask me if I am scared to make eye contact. Or if I donโ€™t want anyone to know am looking at them. They ask me why I never remove my brown shades. They ask me now, they ask me then but how can I tell?

How do I tell them my brown shades help me see the world with a soothing tint? It tricks me into believing the weather is pleasant and the people a little bit nicer. How do I tell them my brown shades are my armor against anyone trying to peep into my soul? They are my guard that I never let down. They are the veil I hide behind when am asked why I never remove my brown shades.

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24 Comments Add yours

  1. William says:

    Your writing has flavours..nicely crafted blog..๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ˜Š

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yamini says:

      Thank you so much ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope to hear more from you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. William says:

        Definitely a big yes for a writer..๐Ÿ˜ŠโœŒ๏ธ

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yamini says:

        ๐Ÿ™‚

        Like

  2. sheenmeem says:

    ๐Ÿ‘โญ๏ธ

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Priti says:

    Beautiful lines brown shade can does such things! Well shared ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yamini says:

      Thank you so much ๐Ÿ˜Š

      Like

      1. Priti says:

        My pleasure ๐Ÿ˜Š

        Liked by 1 person

  4. kinge says:

    Awesomely written, wouldn’t know what to tell them either..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yamini says:

      It is hard to tell…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. utahan15 says:

    your soul
    sole
    survive
    to thrive
    as ya beau
    tho

    Liked by 1 person

  6. A Tale of Brown Shades Indeed
    Dear Yamini i Actually Have One
    In Front of Eyes That Feel and Sense
    The World’s Pleasure and Pain For It’s

    True There Are Two And More Kinds of the
    Autism Spectrum For Those Aloof and Cold And Those Who Feel
    And Sense And Truly Know Existence So Much More Than

    Just Skin Deep

    Truly In Touch my
    FRiEnD With or Without
    Words So Very Very Much For Real

    It’s True i’ve Never been Able to Touch Human
    Made Stuff except for Perhaps Silk Without Any

    Horrible Discomfort Beyond Words to Describe
    Yet On the Other Hand Yes As Far As Empathy

    i Surely Have Close to “Mirror-touch synesthesia”

    As i Feel the Pain and Pleasure of Other Folks
    From A Distance on Similar Parts of my Body

    Of Course there are negatives and positives
    Associated with these rare gifts as True

    When it Comes to Nature It Does Not
    Discomfort me to Touch Whatever is

    Born This Way Without Human
    Tools However the Pain and
    Pleasure i Still Surely Feel
    And Sense Though
    And Through From
    A Distance Away from me

    It’s Interesting i Can’t Even Stand
    to Imagine Someone Sweeping Carpet

    Hehe Imagine Trying to Explain this Invisible
    Disability to Others if Your Boss Says at Your
    Menial Job Go Sweep That Carpet Hehe Somehow

    i Avoided that Circumstance In Life With Smiles for the
    Most Part at Least as the Hairs are standing up on my Arm

    Just Thinking About that Reality Again as True not Just thinking

    It is My Power of iMaGiNiNG With All Five Senses And So Much
    More in a Synergy of Feelings and Senses that Make Raw Emotions

    So Very Real From Head to Toe and So Much More Anyway Again
    With Blessings That May Seem Like Both Gift and Curse in 5th Grade

    As i was Already Wearing Black Horn Rimmed Glasses in 4th Grade as
    What Happens to Kids With Their Heads Close to the Page of Straight A’s
    Or Stuck to Screens today as Yes Near Sightedness in Technologically

    Advanced Cultures is at Near ‘Pandemic Levels’ As Such True too
    on my First Innocent Friends Date in 5th Grade Donna Sat Next

    To Her Friend And Me in the Movie Theater as She Took Off
    my Black Horned Rim Glasses and Said Oh Look How

    Beautiful His Eyes Are Hehe Immediately i No
    Longer Felt Like Clark Kent Just For A Second

    in my Life Where So Many Folks Thought i
    Was Strange i Felt a Little bit Like Superman

    That Night and i So Wished i didn’t Have to Wear those
    Horn Rimmed Glasses Then as there was at Least One thing
    About me it seemed that Girls Liked Yet Oh My Gosh Donna’s Perfume

    Was So Strong it Made my Stomach Do Summersaults At Least i Think
    That was why i was feeling that way then that was the only Date i Had
    in Friendship that way that Night as True i Honestly didn’t know What to Say

    Back in Return
    to Her Compliment that
    Night Yet again gifts and
    curses may have another side
    And By Middle School When Puberty
    Comes and every one Seems to Nip at
    The Weak And Strange Fish in the Aquarium

    Then There Was Vickie on the Bus Home Then
    She Taunted me Saying i Looked like A Girl With my
    Beautiful Eye Lashes and Green to Changing Blue Eyes
    And The Crowd Source She Attracted on the Bus Did the Same

    And Then the Only FRiEnD i Felt Like i Had is the Only Dog i’ve
    Ever Had Called Charlie as i Looked out the Bus Window Trying to
    Escape Their Insistence that my Eyes Made me a Girl Sadly Charlie

    Was on the Side of the Road He had found His Way Outside of our Locked
    Fence to Greet me at the Bus Stop There He Didn’t Make it to See me and How

    Fortunate i Was that
    at Least my Mother
    And Sister Cried With
    me Saying Good Bye to Him

    You Know my FRiEnD It’s Not Hard
    For me to Understand Why Some Folks
    Turn to The DarK Side When Their Peers
    Tell Them in No Uncertain Terms They Don’t Deserve to exist

    The Saving Grace is Often A Dog or A Cat or Nature or Even A Gold
    Fish in An Aquarium A Loving Mother And Sister Will Potentially Save
    Many Lives at the Hands of Vengeance Of A World That Tells Folks They
    Don’t Deserve to Exist Yet It’s True What i Find Still to Be True if i Only

    Water A Plant
    That Turns
    Into A Tree
    That Gives Shade
    Or Inspiration to Someone
    Else Indeed i Am Human Enough to Be i Am

    So How Does this Relate to Brown SHades And
    Invisible Disabilities Indeed Well Even Though i Remained
    So Very Poor through Three College Degrees And Still Couldn’t
    Output What i Learned through Three College Degrees in School
    Just Working at A Very Menial Job Serving Rental Shoes at A Bowling
    Center Then Yet A Federal Job and A Door Open to What would Eventually
    Come to Be Highest Pay Grades in Federal Employment at Least in the Last
    5 Years of a 25 Year Career to Retire With Golden Handcuffs Where i would
    Never Have to Worry About Money Again So in my Early 20’s After Breaking
    Down in College Taking 3 Months off Going on to Earn 3 Degrees Then a
    Full School Load With 3 Part Time Jobs too i Finally Had Enough Money
    to Buy Contact Lens And Almost Immediately Young Women Finally
    Started to Pay Attention to me hehe even though i Did Have a
    First Love at 18 until she Left and i got Really depressed as
    Part of Breaking Down in College 3 Months then

    Although i Didn’t Have Much to Say Serving
    Out Shoes i Could Smile With my Eyes
    And Make Most Everyone Smile Back

    At Me With Happiness That Way
    Yes i learned to Communicate

    With my Eyes and they Became
    my Not So Secret Weapon Hehe
    to Attract Young Women Even though
    i Was So Very Poor then my Wife Said
    She Liked me Most as i Was a 1 in A Million
    Kind Guy It’s True When People Value You in
    Someway at Least it Helps the way You Feel About Yourself

    Anyway i Eventually Got Very Ill and Had to Retire Early With Type
    Two Trigeminal Neuralgia Yet they couldn’t Diagnose it For Two Years
    After i Retired so i Retired With Depression as indeed that Disease No
    Drug Would Touch the Real Suicide Disease Just Made me Feel like Dying
    to Escape Every Moment of the Day Yet it Started in 2006 Before i Retired
    Early in 2008 on Annual And Sick Leave a Year And A Half Before it became
    Official in 2009 Yes in 2006 the way it Started was i Could No Longer Stand
    Colors on TV All i could Watch is Black And White TV so Strange No One
    Could Explain Why this was Happening to me Yet this is what Chronic
    to Acute Work-Related Stress Will Do For 11 Years to A Human as Not
    Only That Yet in the Summer of 2007 in 100 Degree Heat i Would Feel

    Chilled From Head to Toe if Only A Breeze Touched my Body Back then

    Smiles the way i Dealt With the Extreme Touch Sensitivity all my Life is
    Just Keeping my Hands Closed Mostly everywhere i Went where i had
    to Touch Human Made Materials of Course Yet Again An Invisible Disability

    Almost No One Could Understand outside of me and Then the Pain and the
    Reality that i would Wear Brown Shades Likely the Rest of My Life Starting
    in 2008 That i Still Do as my 700 Dollar Shades Have a Special Technology
    to Relax my Ocular Nerve and Allowed me to Read Something Without Pain

    As i Recovered From All the Pain and Numb AS OF TODAY NINE YEARS
    AGO ON A BEACH ON 7.19.2013 AS IT’S TRUE Once You get Out of Hell
    of Pain and Numb The Rest of Life is Heaven For Real Within as the Perspective

    One Gains
    Is Yes this
    was Heaven
    on Earth All Lifelong

    i Just Didn’t Know How
    to Fully Appreciate it until
    i Went to Hell For 66 Months for Real…

    i No Longer Had my Eyes to Smile Yet
    i finally Felt like Smiling again and i Did

    And Words Of Poetry Free Verse Became my
    Eyes Green to Blue Behind Brown Shades Connecting
    to Humans All Around the World in Poetic Response Just Like
    This For Yes Again 10.7 MiLLioN Words in 107 Months as of the
    Anniversary Date Again Yesterday too With Smiles and Yes Even With

    A Mask During Covid-19 my Public Dance Now for 16,906 Miles Became
    My Green to Blue Changing Eyes/SMiLes to Connect to People That Way in Art
    Of Free Dance Everywhere i went and it’s True i was So Uncoordinated and
    Uncomfortable in my Own Skin An Autism Spectrum Issue too People Called
    Me a Dizzy Fly Before that and Truly i Surely Looked Ridiculous for Real when

    i First Started Dancing in Public Yet With Enough Practice anything is Possible
    Even Reaching Close to 60 Years Old and the Folks in the Dance Hall Telling
    me i Should Surely Get into the Metro Area Dance Contest to Win the Money

    Prize hehe
    Yet you see
    Life was no Competition
    For me Just Inhaling Peace
    Exhaling Love Bringing Smiles
    to Everyone Else With Green to
    Blue Changing Smiling Eyes Behind
    Shades Becoming Every Move of Dance
    Holy to me and Yes Every Word of Song
    In Poetry Truly Sacred to me For What i Will

    Never Ever Sell my FRiEnD Now For Any Price Yet Giving Love Free
    This is what my Life Story Teaches me Love Will A Find a Way Love Will

    Find A Way
    With Wings of Free

    And You Know what Later
    Folks in the General Public
    Not Only told me i Was Famous
    And Legend Yes Young Women in School
    Told me They Traded Videos and Photos
    They Took of me Dancing as Inspiration
    For Not Being Afraid of Being Different Than the ‘Crowd’

    In Fact One Girl Told Me She and Her Friends used it for Motivation
    to Dance to The Videos they Took of me together to give them inspiration

    to Get through their tough
    Years at School as Yes i’ve
    Been Doing this Almost 9 Years
    Come August 26th of this Year 2022

    And Even More Amusing As Two Young
    Men Were installing A New Front Door and Storm
    Glass Door for Us Just Last Year they Said in 2014

    That They and Their Middle School Friends Dressed up
    Like me at Halloween With Brown Shades and Colorful T-Shirts
    With Cultural Memes as True i Have Literally About 1000 of them
    Now in Two Closets i Pick Out Each Day to Go Public Dance to Make
    Folks Smile Even More there are so Many Ways to Make Folks Happy

    my FRiEnD
    AS Heaven

    Just Never Ends

    When All the Giving Becomes the Receiving

    SMiLes mY FRiEnD i Accept and Do My Best to
    Love All Humans Unconditionally And as Far As Tradition
    Goes Where i Live Where they Say Hindus and Muslims are
    Gonna Burn In Hell They Don’t Always Like it When i Speak Up

    And Tell them from What i’ve Experienced in Life Many of them are

    Loves’ (God’s) Best FRiEnD As True They are FRiEnDS of Mine and this is a Key

    to Life

    Become

    Love and
    Even DarK Becomes LiGHT

    Thank You So Very Much for Welcoming
    me on Your Blog as Today the 19th of July 2022
    Is Not Only an Anniversary in Heaven for me on
    Earth for 9 years Yet Also a 23rd Month Anniversary

    For An EPiC Long Form Poem i Casually Term as an 8th
    New Testament of the Entire “SonG oF mY SoUL” Yes at
    1.8 MiLLioN Words Surpassing the EPiC Poem the ‘Mahฤbhฤrata’
    An 8th New EPiC Long Form Poem is Named “Depth of The Story”
    that i write solo in a Discussion thread on an Internet Site Named
    The ‘Wrong Planet’ Focused On Folks on the Autism Spectrum and
    Other Neuro-Diverse People With Disabilities Invisible to Many Folks
    Around them too Through this EPiC Long Form Poem That Will Surely
    Include What You Have Inspired of me today as true from the start on
    August 19th, 2023 i Mentioned Your Name for Inspiration even then
    As You Were One of Few Who Welcomed me into Your Blog
    Home then as True i Do Go Deeper Than Twitter Size
    For What Most Folks Are Comfortable With my FRiEnD

    As True Hehe my Comments Are Usually Much Longer
    Than Anyone’s Whole Blog Post these days with SMiLes

    The Benefit to the Folks on the Wrong Planet Who Were Very
    Averse to my Style of Relating Social-Empathic Artistic Spiritual
    Intelligences through Free Verse Poetry Helped to Kick me Off the
    Site Several Instances for the 7 Years After i Escaped From HeLL ON EartH
    Until i Finally Convinced them to Let me Just Have one Solo Thread to Express
    All of what i Have to Relate to the World as Free Gift as Again the Giving is all

    The Receiving
    to me well rarely
    does anyone communicate
    with me there Yet It’s true there
    Are Almost 114,000 Views From
    Just the Registered Members there Yet

    You See my FRiEnD I AM A REAL Empath
    Kinda Autistic Person who Rarely Talked too

    And Mostly Just Understood Parts of Life No
    One Else did Most of my Life And True There are Many

    More Like me too and the Same KATiE MiA Not Only is
    Short for my Wife’s First Name Katrina and Her Middle Name
    Mia Yet Doubles as An Acronym too For “Kind Autistics Taking
    in Everything Mindful in Awareness” As True Again there are Many
    Like me and my Sister Diagnosed too Where Her Special Interest
    is Super Bird Nerd Tracking Birds in State And County Record Ways
    And Taking Photos Featured on Many Nature Websites with 10’s of
    Thousands of Views too With Smiles Again Just to Give For Her too

    As this is the Way

    of the Empath

    For We Feel Most

    The Happiness We
    Bring to Others and Again

    THiS Way Love Will Always Find a Way

    And on a Final Beginning Note don’t Forget the Word
    FRiEnD it comes Naturally With A F R E D iN FRiEnD..:)

    Like

    1. Yamini says:

      I always wondered about your username ๐Ÿ˜Š thank you for explaining the true meaning behind it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Pleasure Dear
        Yamini; Katie
        Also Means
        Pure; Mia
        Means Family
        And Close to God;
        Frederick Means
        Peaceful Ruler
        And True Hehe
        Ruling me Peacefully
        Is Challenge Enough

        With
        SMiles๐Ÿ˜Š

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yamini says:

        An interesting story behind the names ๐Ÿ˜Š

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Thanksโ˜บ๏ธ

        Liked by 1 person

  7. aparna12 says:

    I am really impressed with your exceptional writing skills. Fantastic post. โ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธ

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yamini says:

      Thank you so much for the appreciation ๐Ÿ˜Š I am glad you are enjoying my writing

      Like

  8. Simi says:

    Aimez tout ce que vous รฉcrivez.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yamini says:

      Merci ๐Ÿงก

      Like

  9. Chiru says:

    Good one.. Brown shade can do a lot..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yamini says:

      Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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